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Hi, I'm Sophie.

This is my diary of all things lifestyle, travel, food, and creative.

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What I Never Told You

What I Never Told You

I remember days of adoration. My tiny body

soaked in oats and rose until the bathwater

turned lukewarm. I’d watch my mother from 

behind the porcelain as she combed a wired

brush through her thick blonde hair. She’d tilt

her head forward and the golden threads would

almost reach the floor, the hairdryer humming 

to the beat of the comb. My baby eyes grew wide

when she’d apply lipstick and a bit of something 

brown to her beauty mark. She’d hook gold hoops

into her earlobes like magic, and iron something 

linen, standing in her underwear. I would breathe in

her words and her smell and her steadiness to

remember how to be like her, someday. She’d 

pull me out of the tub in a cloud of Chanel N°5. 

Wrapped in fresh towels, I’d inhale that thick scent 

lingering in her hair. She smelled like womanhood, 

and I was her lineage, her little girl.

 

I wish this had been our last conversation—

retrospect of days enclosed by white tile. But I

didn’t see it coming, no one did, so I rambled as 

her smile grew heavy with Dilaudid. I just sat, watched

her subconscious mumble and hoped that somehow

she was thinking of a younger me, when I only knew her

as angel, woman, queen. As I watched her, she

was still gorgeous in her suffering, graceful in

her grief. No hair or lipstick or linen, but 

alluring in quiet, in patience, in her new choice to be free.

The Dying Garden

The Dying Garden

Here, Now

Here, Now